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Eyes on the (Long) Blackboard - Espresso Melbourne

Eyes on the (Long) Blackboard

We are a learned crew, us Melburnians, a real city of students. Not in the way that provokes imagery of drunken youths out on a Thursday night for $2 pots in a seedy, sticky-floored establishment, but rather, we could tell you some nifty things about coffee that interstate people would turn their noses up at, and probably call us wankers.

Case in point, today I sit in Monk Bodhi Dharma, sipping a long black made with a single origin suggested by the hippy-go-lucky barista. As I sit and ponder its deliciousness, I’m free to be tutored by the blackboard of educational tid-bits in front of me, detailing the characteristics of each of the three single origins pouring today.

My long black was made with the Kenyan Gethumbwini, which I’m told, among other things, is sexy and seductive. Oooo.

Reading through the others I also see the words mouth-feel, creamy body and sweet and juicy.

This is like educational caffeine-erotica. Learning is fun.

Waiting your turn in the queue of zombie-like nine-to-fivers and ordering a flat white doesn’t have to be so boring these days with coffee nerds erecting speciality coffee cafes in every corner of town.

Instead coffee consumption is a new school of fun-to-learn lessons, full of tattooed teachers in classrooms of spectacular architecture and design.

Ask the barista to explain to you the perks of syphon coffee or what makes the clever coffee dripper so damn clever, and then bask in their excitement. If you happen to have even a slight barista crush (which countless Melburnians harbour) just pretend to look composed as you listen to how sexy, seductive and juicy the Ethiopian Nekisse is, when all you can actually think about is nekissing the teacher.

About author
Liv Fin is a Melbourne-based professional writer with a borderline-dangerous predilection for long blacks, peanut M&Ms and book buying.

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